Emotional Intelligence Isn’t Magic. It’s Trainable.
Emotional intelligence often gets talked about like it’s a personality trait, something you’re either born with or not.
It’s not.
Emotional intelligence (EQ), communication, resilience, motivation, these are learned skills. They grow the same way physical strength does: with reps.
No one walks into the gym and deadlifts 100kg on day one.
No one picks up a guitar and plays a full song perfectly the first try.
Yet people walk into a difficult conversation and expect it to go smoothly, even if they’ve never practised how to:
regulate emotion
listen properly
challenge respectfully
communicate clearly under pressure
That expectation sets people up to fail.
Human skills need the same respect we give “hard skills.”
They need time, repetition, feedback, failure, and a growth mindset.
So what does emotional intelligence actually mean?
At its core, emotional intelligence is the ability to:
recognise what you’re feeling
understand how it’s influencing your behaviour
manage it well enough to respond rather than react
It’s not about being calm all the time.
It’s about noticing what’s happening before things escalate.
What’s the most basic element of emotional intelligence?
Awareness.
Before regulation.
Before empathy.
Before communication.
Awareness of:
your tone
your body language
your internal state
the impact you’re having on others
If you don’t notice it, you can’t change it.
What does emotional intelligence look like in real life?
Let’s make this practical.
For tradies
A job is behind schedule. Pressure’s high. Tempers are short.
Low EQ looks like snapping, blaming, or shutting down communication.
High EQ looks like recognising frustration early and saying:
“I’m getting frustrated here, let’s slow this down so we don’t miss something.”
That one sentence can prevent mistakes, rework, safety issues, and damaged working relationships.
For childcare educators
You’re managing children, families, routines, regulations all while running on limited energy.
Low EQ looks like bottling stress until burnout hits.
High EQ looks like noticing overwhelm early and asking for support before it spills into interactions with children or colleagues.
That protects relationships and wellbeing.
For healthcare workers
High-stakes environments. Emotionally charged situations. No pause button.
Low EQ isn’t about being a bad clinician, it’s about being human under pressure.
High EQ is recognising when stress is driving your responses and grounding yourself, so communication stays clear, calm, and safe.
That skill can change outcomes for patients, families, and teams.
For sporting clubs
Games are intense. Emotions run high. Decisions happen fast, often in front of teammates, opponents, umpires, and supporters.
Low EQ shows up as:
blowing up at an umpire
snapping at teammates
carrying frustration into the next play
letting one mistake spiral into many
High EQ looks like:
recognising the emotional spike and resetting quickly
refocusing on the next contest instead of the last mistake
communicating calmly with teammates under pressure
modelling composure, especially when others are watching
In club environments, emotional intelligence doesn’t just affect performance, it shapes culture.
Players with strong human skills help create teams that stay connected when things aren’t going well, support each other through losses, and hold standards without tearing each other down.
That’s leadership, whether you wear the captain’s armband or not
Why this matters across every industry?
Most people don’t struggle with the technical parts of their job.
They struggle with the human parts.
And yet, we rarely practise them.
We don’t rehearse difficult conversations.
We don’t train emotional regulation.
We don’t normalise feedback on communication.
Then we wonder why things fall apart under pressure.
You’re allowed to get it wrong.
You’re expected to get it wrong.
You just need to keep trying, with intention.
That’s how emotional intelligence is built.
A question worth sitting with
If emotional intelligence were trained the same way technical skills are in your industry…
What would improve first?
Safety?
Communication?
Culture?
Wellbeing?